Open Adoption
I just posted one of the most beautiful stories of open adoption I have read!! I've lived this myself so I know it is possible. The things is I've been beat up on a bit by people who hate me or dislike my message because they say, adoption is not beautiful and that Love is not the answer.
This child is still young but as an adoptee I have no dout this child will NOT have the issues created for me because of adoption. I grew up curious and lost in wonder why? and who? All of which created all kinds of closeness in relationship problems, trust problems and feelings of abandonment. When a child does know where they came from and heard it from that persons mouth why they had been placed. They experience and feel the love from that party as well, they don't wonder and wish their whole lives. They don't have to search as an adult and have unrealistic expectations that don't end up being true to only feel unwanted again. They will always know.
Over the past 4 months or so I have been very active on line about what I wish to see the adoption industry do more of and have been attacked time and time again by people who say that adoption is not beautiful and that Love is not the answer and that I sound corny and undereducated for saying such things.
This story as well as the one I have lived (not to mention many others people have shared with me) proves it. Love, true love for other people involved is what works.
I feel like this. If you can't find a family that you love I mean really really love and are ready to be a part of their lives for life than you should NOT be placing your child. If you want to adopt and you don't LOVE, again, Really really love the woman who is giving birth to that child and are prepared to have her in your life for good, then you shouldn't adopt. You shouldn't agree to open adoption just to get a child and not really like the woman who is giving birth to that baby.
IT IS NOT WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILD! What is best is this love...As these women in this story have and as I do with the family who has been parents to my daughter for 15 years now.
So call me corny for saying love is the answer or even say I sound undereducated but it is the TRUTH!!
posted by Shannon @ 9:22 AM
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3 Comments:
It's better for the natural mother too. Adoptions like this are the way to move forward. Less giving in to fear and more acting in everyone's best interests.
Yes, if we cannot put the interests of our children first,even if it makes us uncomfortable sometimes, we have no business being parents.
Thanks for posting this story!
Hello, I'm an adoptee of the closed era, and am only now (in my 30's and 15 years into reunion) begining to comprehend the damage that being seperated at birth did to me. Some of the first children of open adoptions are now coming of age, I wonder what their experiences have been. I imagine that even in the best of situations, there still must be feelings of saddness and longing.
I believe you sound a little idealistic in speaking of your vision for open adoption. It does seem that in MANY cases the lure of open adoption is a ploy to recruit the coveted baby, and the mom will soon be cast out. You even cited a figure of 80%.
Perhaps what you describe needs a different name, and legal protection to ensure that adoptive parents can not dishonor the arrangement, or alter them. Never should one's original birth certificate be amended, and the adoptee should always have access to knowing one's origins.
As it currently exists, I am "anti-adoption." What I think you describe sounds good, if people truly looked into their hearts, I think some of the would-be adoptive parents might find it best to "adopt" a mom-to-be who may need some assistance in raising her baby. They could offer her and the child love and support to thrive. To me that serves the best interest of the child, which i thought was ideally supposed to be what adoption was all about. In reality it is about the interests of those who can afford to buy a child, and currently a woman is merely "lucky" if her chosen adoptors continue to honor their open adoption.
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