Another thing I keep finding is that we all agree that adoption can be great for the same reasons:
“When it works right, it provides families for children who need them”
“It does give children the opportunity to grow up in a more financially sound environment, and gives people who cannot have children the opportunity to do so.”
“I think the best thing about adoption is that it gives children a chance at another life other than the one they were born into. It gives people who are unable to conceive children to take in a child who needs a family. It also gives mothers an opportunity to choose a better life for their child if they know they are incapable to be that child’s parent at that time, instead of them thinking they have no other option other than abortion or disposing of the baby by other means”
“You know that you are loved and wanted because the people that adopted you were looking for you. You are the child they never had.”
But is it that cut and dry? How does it feel to the adoptee???
“I am guessing I had a better life because my birth mother gave me up because she could not care for me like she wanted to but I am not exactly sure about that”
“I have always wondered where I come from. I mean it doesn't seem like a big deal but it’s just something that I’ve always wondered about. And it’s annoying because I do not know if I will ever be able to find out”
“I’m adopted. I got adopted at 22 hours old... I got taken away from my biological mom after I was born.”
“Also I was tormented in elementary school because I was adopted”
“I'm happy; I'm creating a life for myself. I do wonder certain things, like...do my biological parents care, do I have other biological siblings, and are they alive even. Who I look like, do illnesses or cancers run in my genes, whose nose I have, does my bio-father or bio-mom have a double crown on their head...because I do. Where does my creativity and artistic abilities come from, because no one in my family is artistic at all....just things like that?”
I think so many people who “Want to Adopt” have no do not have a clue what it feels like to be adopted nor are they forced to learn about it before they adopt. If people knew how the closed system “feels” I think they would change their ways. I don’t believe the people who push for things to be closed have any idea what it feels like. EVERY adoptee speaks the same way. Even if they know their life is better because of adoption (Which they just think, they don't know it's better and even when life has been good, when you don't know you wonder 'was my life REALLY better because of this adoption?')they live their life in wonder which creates all kinds of other trust and relationship problems.
We can solve this problem with education and LOVE!!!
5 comments:
I'm really glad you are blogging, Shannon - I enjoy reading your insights.
I feel very strongly that if all adoption-related legislation was written by adoptees, we'd see a very different process in this country. If adoption is truly all about "what is best for the child" then why isn't our voice given the weight which reflects that? I just don't understand.
Man.... you said that in a better way than I could!! Thank you so much for sharing, my opinion you are 100% right!! Why aren't adoption-related legislation written by adoptee's?????? Anyone?
You know what though adoption is great for those people who needed it and it works well for. The system not so great right now, the myths and ways surrounding it not so great. But how can I say that it is not great that this child has a wonderful home and future, still knows his natural family and is confident and secure with the fact that their life is different yet fullfilling. I mean if this child didn't have adoption they might be homeless in an abusive, drug addicted family. Or being bounced from foster home to foster home for 18 years never knowing any one family. Adoption is great for that child. Not great for everyone but sometimes adoption can be great.
Just my thoughts of course :)
I agree I don't say it is for everybody but it is for some. In fact let me quote again what I said "adoption is great for those people who needed it and it works well for" It has been terrible for some this is what we need to change but trust me there are people who are here today only because they had been adopted. In NO way do I say that all adoption is great. This entire project stems from me having a BAD closed adoption and wanting to change the system. I know what that system did to me and my parents both natural and adoptive. But to say that adoption can never be great well I won't agree with that either. In many cases it has been great and I would like to make it or help move toward making adoption great all the time.
The system needs to stop taking children from people who don't want to place. Stop keeping secrets from children. Stop the adoption of children only for peoples selfish need to have children not for the well being of the child.
I don't know where I have said that ALL adoption is great. I have had this problem several times and for that I'm sorry. I never mean to rub people wrong. But I believe what I beleive and to be so blind so say that adoption can never be great or beautiful I think is selling the system short as well. Many people do want what is best for the children even if some don't.
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